In 2015, I returned to my college campus begrudgingly to start my sophomore year as an RA and an academic assistant. I had just had the best summer of my life being a camp counselor to some awesome and loving children from the ages of 3 to 12 years old. I made life long friends that were from all over the world so I was reluctant to leave.
My college was an all women’s college where any male found in the vicinity was immediately claimed by his owner *cough* I mean a female friend or he would then be dubbed as approachable. The rule was unspoken but widely known throughout the campus. Silly college girls would find themselves crushing on cute professors or the unlucky male visitor. If someone said we were starved for men, they wouldn’t be wrong but not entirely right either. We were young, wild, and single, most students found themselves in the local clubs on Saturday night and in church the following morning. Hypocritical? Definitely. Understandable? Absolutely.
Isn’t youth about exploring all the previously closed doors? If not, then we wouldn’t have any drunk stories to tell our children when they come of age to the oh so ‘wonderful’ adult world. I met my now husband in a similar but much more innocent situation.
Like most college students I signed up for Tinder hoping to meet semi-respectable young men while maintaining my dignity. Did it happen? Nope. I got stood up three times and after a while, I was beginning to resign myself to an arranged marriage with someone who would never get my stripper jokes or my unhealthy obsession with heavy metal music.
On one particular day, I was talking to one of my friends, the former class president to my vice president position, and she told me about this site called OkCupid. I had not previously considered OkCupib, well because I didn’t know about it, but if I had previously tried Tinder then a new platform wasn’t too hard to try out.
That night I uploaded my best pictures that didn’t show how silly I was or showed me jumping on my friends or making a weird face. OkCupid was rather straight forward, the more questions you answered was the easier it was to match you to your “desired” partner. After answering over 300 questions and staying up until 3 am, I called it a night. After all, I did have classes in the morning and a research lab to participate in. I spent the next few days scrolling through portfolios and judging the book based on the percentage of a match they were to me. In my area, there was hardly anyone over 87%. On the third day just like Jesus, one rose from the depts to show me the way.
I came across a profile with a guy that looked really kind, he had one of those “this is the only time I’m smiling so take the picture already” face. I thought he was cute and so I decided to read his profile. This strange guy was 2 inches taller than me, had tremendous knowledge about heavy metal and he was of Caribbean heritage! Why did this matter so much? I am Jamaican by birth and most of a lot of customs and traditions that I hold dear to my heart has been in my experience really hard to explain to people who have no context of the island life. His profile was so detailed I felt like I had met an old friend. Obviously, a little crush was in the midst of being developed and to fan the flames I sent the first message. I spent a few minutes thinking about how to approach this guy, and the best thing I came up with was just saying “hi”.
In a few minutes, he replied with “Hey”. I was ecstatic! This adorable fellow had responded and did not immediately begin to claim his love for me. The signs were looking up. We proceeded to message each other for a few minutes turning into a few hours before we both realized it was 4 in the morning and we still had class and work tomorrow. We signed off with well wished and hopes of continuing the conversation. The next morning we started to message each other as we went through our day. My face was beaming, I was giddy, giggling, and maybe a bit hopeful.
My friends took notice of a blushing Joy, I laughed a lot, joked around but I never blushed. I brushed off their questions with a wave of my hand and continued to talk to this oddly interesting fellow. By that Thursday night, I felt oddly brave after writing an essay due for class so I texted him after 10 pm saying “Hey I just met you, and this is crazy so here’s my number, so call me maybe?” Cringeworthy, I know but this was who I was my puns were never funny but they at least made me laugh. He called that same night when he got home from work and we spoke until 4 in the morning once again. It was glorious, I faced Friday with my head held high and a pep in my step.
Friday night I asked him if he wanted to meet me, pretty bold right? I sucked at beating around the bush and fortunately for me, he said yes. I talked my eldest brother into driving an hour and a half on Saturday night after work to pick me up from college and take me home for Labor Day weekend. I made up a story to my parents about meeting friends that I haven’t seen in a while and once more bribed my older brother with Chic-fi-la into driving me to the first date in my entire life.
I was extremely nervous but really excited. I sent him a text telling him that I was at our destined meeting place. I purposely put my back to the way he would arrive possibly forcing him to make the first move. My plan was a success, he walked up with a big smile on his face and we had a rather awkward hug. My first thought was that he really was as cute if not more than his picture. I was squealing on the inside. We spent a moment talking and trying not to be awkward with each other as we made our way to a Cuban restaurant, as we walked he took my hand and held it even when it was sweating so much that my embarrassment was starting to climb. I tried to pull my hand away to save him the pain of hold a sweaty palm, his response was to smile at me and hold my hand a bit tighter proving that he was okay or at least trying to be. Our lunch was delicious, as I pulled my card out to pay my portion he gave me a look of admiration and gratitude, he then proceeded to pay for both of us. I was touched, but also intrigued. I never expected anyone to pay for me, especially because I was the one who asked him out.
In the next few months were floating on cloud 9, 10, and 11. We fell fast and hard for each other with him visiting me on weekends and taking 5 am greyhound buses to make it back to his campus for work. We took 2 weeks to say I love you, 4 months to decide we wanted to be married, 6 months to break down the walls around our heart and 2 years and 3 months to get engaged and married.
Through our entire relationship so far we have had our arguments, our disagreements, and our biased opinions. For the most part, my husband is right 85% of the time and can be convinced he doesn’t know the answer to a question 10% of the time. That small 5% is the number of times I am right. He is incredibly caring, loving, hilarious, and just so darn adorable that I continue to squeal when I look at him. I absolutely adore this great man for his huge heart and high moral code. Most people may think that he was the one who got lucky, but in reality, I am the one who thanks God each and every day for such a wonderful friend, sous chef, living dictionary, sassy, loyal, and heavy metal enthusiast. Our Story is just beginning, we have no idea what the future may hold but we hope to tackle it together laughing through the tough days and praying for better ones.
About Joy Nibbs
Joy Nibbs is a freelance writer with a huge focus on creating a balance between our bodies and the food we put into them. When she isn’t working on assignments you can find her in the kitchen making a new recipe, hanging out with friends, going to church, writing for her blog, or playing games with her husband. Her hobbies are gardening, listening to heavy metal, reading (entirely too much manga), and eating new foods. Her greatest accomplishment is remaining optimistic despite being diagnosed with Fibromyalgia.
Blog’s Twitter: www.twitter.com/Spiceandnnn
Personal Twitter: www.twitter.com/JJnibbles
Joy! Wonderful story. What a great idea for the website/app to have people answer question and rate them with someone. I love how bold you are! I hope you both live a long, healthy and happy life together!
To Be Desired.
Word of the day: Desire.
Thank you for reading!
In the name of love…
Laying on that examination table trying to mentally prepare for a procedure I never wanted was heart wrenching. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t even mutter the words, “I’m ready,” when the nurse asked if I was ready to begin. Truth is, I wasn’t ready for them to stick a 3-inch needle (which seems humongous in the moment) into my protruding baby bump.
At that moment, when I felt the invasive pressure hit my pregnant belly, knowing the risk associated—miscarriage—that’s when I felt an immeasurable amount of love for my unborn daughter.
Those next 48 hours after the amniocentesis were excruciating. I prayed for that kick in my ribs harder than anything else in my life. When I finally felt it, a huge sigh of relief spread all over my body. My baby was still kicking; still fighting to see my face on her glorious birthday.
That pregnancy, my first and only pregnancy, tested my inner strength in ways unimaginable. I experienced the lowest of lows but the only thing that kept me going was the moment where I would be blessed with her sweet presence, holding her close to my heart.
Unfortunately, my pregnancy was consumed with fear. It all began with an abnormal prenatal screening test result that alerted my doctor for the heightened potential for my child bearing the name down syndrome. When I got that call my heart sank to the pit of my stomach. I couldn’t help but to worry. Anxiously awaiting my genetic counseling session, a couple weeks out, nerve racked the whole time.
My genetic counselor mapped out my family tree and then went over my options. I was scared with the unwelcome reality that I rather know than to proceed through the rest of my pregnancy on edge. This moment tested my faith to the utmost degree. I knew deep in my heart that my child was going to be okay but with the doctors in my ear, I decided to do the amniocentesis so that I could know for sure.
When those flawless results finally came back a few days later, a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders. But the pressure from my doctors didn’t stop there. They then became worried about her weight, saying she was smaller than expected, thinking I wasn’t eating correctly. So after all of this I was deemed a high-risk pregnancy and when my third trimester rolled around I had doctor appointments twice a week. One to measure her heartbeat and the other for an ultrasound to monitor her growth. This is around the time my faith kicked in, and I just knew after all we had been through, everything was going to work out. I knew my baby would be everything I had imagined plus some.
When she finally arrived, my heart exploded with unlimited love, to a magnitude I had never experienced. From that day on I knew my purpose in life, was to be the best mother I could be for her. To be the best person I could be for her. To be the best woman I could be for her.
She was mine and I was hers in all the best ways. Nothing expected in return but to love and protect and that’s what I have vowed to do from that day forward.
Needless to say, my daughter is perfect in every way. She came out effortlessly and has been the best thing to happen to me ever since. I couldn’t imagine life without her. I couldn’t imagine living in this world without truly knowing, understanding, and experiencing the unconditional love I have for her. Unconditional love is one of life’s most beautiful gifts.
About the Author
My name is Briee Denise and I am the creative mind behind the blog Straight Gurl Talk. I am a novice blogger, military spouse, mother, and grad student. Writing has always been one of my favorite pastimes and I hold women empowerment close to my heart. With that said, my blog is based on my personal growing pains and life experiences hoping to change the way women think about themselves and reminding them of their inner fire that can never be extinguished.
You can connect with me on:
Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/straightgurltalk/
Twitter at https://www.twitter.com/_brieedenise
Instagram at https://www.instagram.com/_queenbriee_/
Check out my blog at https://www.straightgurltalk.com
Briee you took me through a roller coaster reading your story! I am so happy that your baby girl is happy and healthy! Pregnancy is hard, but it is always worth all the love at the end.
Happy Monday! Hopefully you made it through your work day good and can take a moment and enjoy this song! This song was played at our wedding! “You Are So Beautiful” By Joe Cocker
Just listen to those words because YOU, yes YOU are BEAUTIFUL!!!
What are some of your favorite songs?
The month of February is all about Black history month and love. But, I want to share with you guys, how I found myself and fell in love all over again.
If you have read any of my other posts, I mention how I suffered with depression and anxiety. Those were the most stressful and frustrating years of my life. I forgot who I was, I did not know where I was going nor if I wanted to go, I was hopeless and helpless. There was times I didn’t wish on my worse enemy, I didn’t want to do daily hygiene, talk to family nor friends, I felt like I didn’t need to go to school because I wouldn’t be alive to graduate but,
In 2016 I met this man who became my blessing in disguise, he motivated me and helped me to overcome my depression. He, told me everyday I was beautiful, he helped me with makeup and talked me into going out, he helped me study for my GED, stayed up late night brainstorming about doing business together. We had a lot of awesome ideas too, some may be have been far fetched but, a lot of them was great ideas, like mindofamom.com. We set goals for each other and tried to accomplish them.
Unfortunately this man is not in my life anymore but, what he did for me changed my life. I continued the goals, I continued trying to change my subconscious mind, I meditate and say affirmations daily. I’m not the best when it comes to makeup but I am learning. Back in the day, I didn’t picture myself wearing makeup or weave. I never thought I would feel beautiful, I never thought I would be able to love myself again.
Everyday when I look at myself there are times I want to quit, sometimes I still think I’m not good enough but I look at my kids and how far I came after I met my blessing in disguise,and I remember I am beautiful, I am smart, I am loved, I am healthy!
Saying these affirmations and believing in them, makes my day go by a little easier, and makes me feel empowered, when I look at the better woman, mother, daughter, sister and friend I became I feel empowered, I feel blessed and I am thankful!
I love the woman I am today, I love myself more now than I ever did. This man was not the only one whom helped me, I owe this to my mother and best friend as well, I love you guys and I love me!!
Author Bio: I am a mother of three, business owner of Mom and a mop and student studying business Administration. I love writing, poems, music and enjoying life.
Wonderful story Mjmamaa! Being a mom is a blessing! It is great to hear a story about being a step mom because sometimes those moms are overlooked, but are also so appreciated! My son has a step mom too and she is a wonderful step mom to our son. I don’t thank her enough for being the mom when I am not there.