My Love Story

Someone once told me that you have 3 true love partners and I honestly believe that. The last one is the one you will spend the rest of your life with.  He will be the person that brings out the best in you. He will be caring, thoughtful, faithful, honest, and so much more than just a partner. He will be your soul mate. I am with this person now and I can totally see a difference between our relationship and past relationships. 
To get the full effect of this amazing love story you have to start at the beginning of when I first thought I was in love. 
Let’s start in high school. Senior year, I get pregnant with my boyfriend at the time  As we all know, most things in high school don’t last. The one good thing that came out of it was our son Ethan. He is my pride and joy! Long story, short, Ethan’s father is a great father to him, but we are better off with other people. 
My next relationship was with someone I met through mutual friends and we were together for 2 year until my son and I moved into his place with him. We were together for six years. He proposed to me while we were on vacation and I was beyond happy. I thought this person, was my person, but I did not see all of the warning signs that told me that he was not. I was so wrapped up in how long we were already together and how I wanted to start my next chapter in life (more kids), I couldn’t see the warning signs.  One day, I was on my way to work and he texted me that it was over, because we had a fight the night before and he went and stayed somewhere else. We did not really get along and I didn’t see that until the relationship ended. So, that break up was very hard, but taught me a lot about who I am. 
Ethan and I moved back in with my parents and I saved enough money after a year to purchase my own home. I worked on myself and Ethan for a while until I thought I was ready to get back into the dating game. 
I went on a few dates here and there, but nothing really stood out. One day this person messages me and we start to talk throughout the entire day and night. Basically, anytime we could. He wanted to meet right away, but I was still nervous. I remember the weekend we met. I needed to go get a birthday present for my sister and he was like, well, I can just go with you! So, I said fine. We met and went to the mall. Now something funny about this is, my sister just had her first son and was wanting a book on how to make baby food. We went into the book store at the mall and searched around for one. We had a good time in the book store and afterwards we went to dinner at Red Lobster. It was delish! He dropped me off back at home, but I was really not ready for the night to end so I asked him if he wanted to come in.  We watched a movie and even cuddled. The next few weeks we talked and hung out some. We were ready for Ethan (son) and him to meet! We thought that pizza and skating would be the best plan, because it is always fun to have an activity to do when the communication might not be there, since it’s a new person in our life. Randy and Ethan hit it off. They liked each other from the start. Now they are like best friends! Sometimes, now and then, they have “bro days!”

Randy proposed to me on my 30th birthday and we had our dream wedding in June of 2016! I always knew I would get married on the beach, with my closest family there! Randy and I are best friends and I wouldn’t want it any other way!

Our proposal Video: https://youtu.be/kEM7dNTq-2A

Our Wedding Video: https://youtu.be/SzSU4lr0lNc

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Love Story- Guest Blog

 

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Long waits

Throughout the course of life, we seek after the enticing sense of feeling recognized and understood by another. In other words, we want to be known and know another intimately. The coursing of blood to the face as we blush from happiness or the welling of tears in our eyes from the pain caused in loss. Either one of these emotions is tied to the binding feeling that comes with time, passion and perseverance.

The journey

The teenage years filled with hormones, infatuation and false hope make up the beginning of a deep-seated sense of being lost to the wind. Being blown about like a butterfly in a hurricane, the feeling of seeing but one bright peddle in the wind was enough to make a heart leap for joy, but just as it came it went. The bright spots faded quickly into the carnage left behind by the storm of life. Brokenness surrounded on every side with little left whole but a sea of lies. Forward fast and you see the year of change come about with gladness and cheer. The storm in the past and rebuilding afoot, the heart once broken was beginning to look.

Stepping stones

Year by year the heart grew soft. The time for romance was now aloft. Happy abounded and days rolled by but hope never faded and this heart felt content to rest in His presence wherever it went. Then came the day of the spark that ignites a passion so bright it lights up my life.

The ist without the art

Thank you for reading this far. You see, the story of the word I am so obviously speaking of is the very thing which has accomplished great good and bad for its sake. I would like to break down this poem of sorts to tell the story of why I waited so long for a four-letter word.

When in my teenage years there were many girls who would string me along with the only intent of using me to get what they desired from me at the time, money or a ride in my truck. I, being the generous type, would typically oblige to my own expense. This lasted for a few years until I graduated high school. Deciding this was not working, I tried going on actual planned dates. To little avail, I would typically have one date, communication would fade and on life went.

This cycle continued into my twenties, but eventually I found contentment in my relationship with Jesus. I no longer had a desire to date and decided instead to focus on Him and pray for a future relationship that may turn into a lifelong commitment.

About five months of being content and single, I was introduced to my now girlfriend of nearly one year. Trust was difficult to build since I had been used so blatantly in the past, but she pushed through my insecurity and broke down my walls. She made my heart come to a point of having the only response on could have, “I love you.”

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Who am I?

My Background

I grew up in a small town in northern Indiana and have lived there my entire life. In my childhood years I struggled with who I was and why I existed. Writing was something of a hobby for me in my younger years. It would eventually grow into a very relaxing way for me to get out of my mind for a short while. Having been raised by parents who are Christ followers and regular church attenders, I came to faith as well when I was eight years old. During my entire childhood and up into my teenage years I was home-schooled. My graduating class was as large as my footprints, but that was okay with me. Since graduation from high school I have attended seven years of college at three different universities. Having this vast amount of time in the collegiate realm has given me unique perspectives on the world around me.

What brought me here?

Some things just cannot be discussed in a healthy fashion on social media. This realm of open thought allows me to express what I feel I should share. Some of the things I discuss may be hard to swallow, but it is my goal to help hand you a glass of water when your throat is dry. I want my writing to refresh your soul and help you see life as the amazingly beautiful thing that it is. Every day should be the best day of your life. Every day should be another day in which you can go on an adventure, say yes to hanging out with an old friend, see a baby smile, hear of something that brings you tears of joy to your eyes and most of all, you should never live another day with regret. Do not simply be someone who hears of great things, be the doer of great things. I hope you enjoy reading my content!
Socials:
Instagram: thetruvine2016
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I enjoyed reading your story! Faith is also very important to me. I hope to continue to be the doer in our family and that others will follow. Hope you and your girlfriend continue to grow together.
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Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/loveinjune16/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/jrenfro99

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Love Story- Guest Blog

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It started on the day of a concert I’d been waiting for. I invited my sister a couple of months before, so I called her on that evening to ask where we would meet. Her tone was surprised “Concert?”. And with that, I knew that I didn’t have anyone to go with. It took my half an hour to convince myself to go anyway, so I got dressed.
When my mother came to check on me she was furious. No wonder, I was barely wearing anything, just leather shorts and a band tee. She forbid me from going out dressed like that.
So I waited until she went back to her room, then hurried outside. I walked to the city center in heels, so by the time I got there my feet started hurting. I sat down at a bench, as the concert was still half an hour away. Then I got a call from my sister, inviting me for a glass of wine.
So I went. She gave me a few bottles of cider as well, just enough to set the mood, then sent me on my way.
Now, my established rules were:
-No drinking
-Don’t accept candy from strangers
-Don’t drink from an open bottle
-Don’t walk home, take a taxi
As soon as I got to the concert I sat down on a couch and started drinking. I was nervous, I hadn’t gone out alone before. Rule number one broken.
That was when I saw a group of friends. Just 3 guys, nothing special, but they looked funny, so I tried getting involved with them. Although, one of them stood out.
They were fun, we joked around until the band actually came on stage. Then one of them offered me candy. Just ’cause he had a couple in his pockets. And being a slightly tipsy teen I gladly accepted. Rule number two broken.
The concert went great, and I knew that I had friends I could go to if I felt awkward. As we were dancing to the music someone from the crowd extended their hand towards us, which had half a bottle of beer in it. I gladly took it, quickly emptying the entire thing. Rule number three broken.
Then after everything ended and we got our autographs, they convinced me to walk home, because we lived in the same area. Rule number four broken.
Two of them reached their home before me, but one walked me home. Just to make sure I’d be okay.
We’ve been together for 10 months now, and whenever someone asks why I don’t obey the rules… I just think back on this occasion. Because if I had not acted the way I did, I might not have met the love of my life.
Auth. bio: Blogger, writer, relationship advice giver.
Other social media:
Twitter: @Caedere4
Instagram: @heidicaedere

 

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Well that is a story that you do not hear everyday! Thank you for sharing it with us! What a gentleman walking you home! You now have a new rule- to not follow any rules at all!

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Love Story- Guest Blog

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“Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.” “There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness.” “The greatest happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved; loved for ourselves, or rather, loved in spite of ourselves.” ~Friedrich Nietzsche

I am a lover of fairy tales, and happily ever afters, but I honestly didn’t believe that a love like that was real. Not until I met John. He came into my life like a whirlwind, and left almost as quickly, but with him, I experienced the greatest love of my lifetime, one that I will never forget.
John and I were friends for about three years, not best friends, but we ran in the same circle and liked to flirt with each other. Harmless, but fun. Well, one day, we were at an event and he asked me if we could go out to dinner just the two of us. Of course I said sure. I had an inkling that he liked me, but I didn’t really know. So, we planned a hibachi dinner for the next week.
We had hung out so many times before, but not alone, I had butterflies in my stomach for some reason. What if we didn’t have anything to talk about? What if we just sat there silently? Of course that was all silly. We met at the restaurant and had a great time. We talked so long that we closed the place down. The first of many times we would do that.
He sweetly walked me to my car and I give him a big hug. We both expressed that we had a great time. I turn to get into the car and John said, “Wait.”. I turned back around and he gave me a card, it was two days before Valentines Day. It was sweet. I hug him again, and turn to get into the car. Again, “Wait.”. He looked so nervous, I had a feeling something big was coming. He said, “If I don’t say this now, I never will, would it be ok if I asked you out on a date sometime?”.
I paused, I am pretty sure my mouth fell open. Even though I had an idea it might have been coming, I wasn’t ready for it. He was John, my friend. Could I date him? I left awkwardly without really giving him much of an answer. Driving home I felt terrible. The next day we talked via text and I apologized for being ridiculous and accepted his offer for a date. It ended up being the best thing I have ever done.
The week slowly passed until our Monday date. We had a nervous dinner, wonderful, but nervous. It was like neither one of us had any idea of what we were supposed to be doing. Slowly conversation got easier. After dinner we went to Barnes & Noble. Got a coffee, and walked around sharing our favorite books with each other. We were there until they closed. Not wanting to go home and but not being able to stay there, we decided to just hang out in the car and talk. We talked, until he asked if he could kiss me. Then we made out in his car for three hours like teenagers. Probably the best date I have ever had.
The connection I felt with John was unlike anything I had felt before, and even though he is gone, I can still faintly feel it there. When I was with him, it was like time stood still. Hours felt like minutes and it was like there was only the two of us in the world.
Being that we were both busy adults and we lived over an hour away, Monday became our date night. I could talk to him on a level that I had never been able to before. Every feeling seemed amplified. Our connection only grew, even more so with the space between our visits.
We dated for about a month when we finally were able to pull off a day date. He loved the beach, so I booked a room for the day. We were not planning on spending the night, but it was March and very, very cold outside so I would be nice to have a home base.
We sat in the living room and talked. We laughingly took the Rice Purity Test together. It is a list of questions from all topics to see how pure you are. It was made at some college in the 80s. We cuddled together on the couch and watched movies on the laptop. Eventually, we started kissing and things progressed as they do. That was the first time we made love.
I had never felt anything like it before. The connection we had was so strong, being together in that way was life changing. I have never felt so wanted, and so protected in my entire life. Being in his arms truly became my favorite place to be. That was the day that I realized I was falling in love with John.
John was unlike anyone I had ever met. It was quite a bit older than me, a true gentleman. He even opened car doors for me. Who does that? He would hold my hand everywhere, he would play with my hair and make me feel loved. It was wonderful. Not only did he tell me that I was beautiful, be he actually believed it, and eventually I did too. John didn’t change me, but being with him, seeing what it was like to be loved and respected, made me change as a person.
Everything was great. I was his geek girl and he was my geek guy. Then end of March was my birthday. He took me to spend the day in Boston and we got a hotel for the night. He took me on a walk next to the Charles River and over a bridge to look at the water. It was March and it was windy and 30 degrees so it didn’t last too long, especially because I wore a dress. The wind! He took me on a tour of his office and it was one of the coolest places I had ever seen. Finally we went to the hotel to settle in for the night.
Everything about the day was perfect. I just knew that I loved him with every ounce of me. I have never felt a love so intense, raw, and passionate before. John was the love of my life. That night, he asked me to be his girlfriend, and I told him that I loved him. It is a night that I will never forget.
In June, we went on a day trip to Gloucester. There is a Castle there that I love and I go to at least once a year. I wanted to share this place with him. That morning he took me to breakfast, then to a walk around the river of his town. Then off to the Castle! It was so much fun showing him all of my favorite things, and taking pictures. I took pictures of the castle, he took pictures of me. He told me I was glowing. I was happy, so happy. I called it John and Harmony’s Day of Fun! Little did I know, the end was so near. If I had known I would have held on just a little bit tighter.
Time passed and we grew closer and more intense. I should have seen the writing on the wall, something that started with so much passion and feeling couldn’t last that long. We were both broken in many ways. There is a saying that, if two broken people get together, it will either be the amazing or destructive. Ours was a little of both.
Having our relationship in my life for even five short months, changed my life for the better. I am a better person, and I also only choose to surround myself with better people. I love him with all my heart and I always will, but we were not meant for a happily ever after; it was never going to be that way. It was, however, perfect. Perfect for us, and who we were at the time; I would never change a thing.
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Author Bio: I am a bi-polar, bi-sexual, witch, with a love for Disney and a frustration for dating.  I write about me and my life.  Sometimes it is crazy, sometimes it is sad, but one this is for sure, it is always unique! Come visit my blog and check it out for yourself!
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Harmony Lee, the tears! You and John had a special connection and it shows through your writing!

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Love Story- Guest Blog

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This is a story about love. It is a story about destiny. It is also a story about online dating and awkward children’s birthday parties.

When I was 25, I was a single mother. I had been separated and subsequently divorced from a man who I married too soon and when I was too young and he was not particularly interested in having a family.

It took a few years to recover from the split. (Divorce is hard, guys.) I took some serious time to better myself and work on getting my life in order.

Finally in a good emotional state, I began to tread the waters of online dating.

Yikes.

There are a lot of truly great people on the internet and involved in online dating. There are also a lot of people who, honestly, just aren’t looking for the same things as you, or have a different method of obtaining the things they do want.

After a few months of unsuccessful dates and disappointing conversations (and a little bit of harassment) I was ready to stop trying all together.

The day I decided to deactivate my online dating accounts, I received a message. It said;

Hi, I’m Adam. (Insert something hopefully witty and charming here.)

I read it. I closed the app. I opened it. I looked at his profile. Nothing but a picture and a location. I closed the app. I opened it and responded to the message.

I’m not sure why. His picture seemed familiar, but I could not place it. There was nothing on his dating profile calling to me, and I was about out of the dating game, but something in me had to respond.

We exchanged messages for a short while, but I had a birthday party to attend. He had an event to get to as well. We decided to talk later.

I showed up later at my cousin’s house. It was her son’s birthday and a lot of the family was there. I, an introvert always, picked a spot closest to the front door as a means to access a quick escape.

Then he walked in.

This guy, Adam, who I had just been talking to was at the same kid’s birthday party. We stared at each other from across the house for a minute in shock. Then we did what any sensible people would do. We ignored each other for the entire party.

I realized that the reason he was familiar is because we had crossed paths a few times already at family events. (No, we’re not related. It’s not that kind of story.) My cousin and her husband are two of his best friends and he had been staying with them for awhile and attending family functions with them.

As the party was ending and everyone was leaving, we finally said hi to each other and acknowledged the awkwardness of the situation, but quickly said goodbye and parted.

We were not great at this, obviously.

It’s okay! Things got better!

We went on a date the next week, and hit things off immediately.  We became best friends and lovers, and nurtured a partnership of respect, affection, and shared interests.  He even met my daughter’s standards. (Tough, if you’ve ever met a five year old.) We knew within months that we would be in this for the long haul.

Now, after five years and the addition of two more kids, we are still best friends who were lucky enough to find love and each other in this crazy world.

Even if fate had to throw us together a few times for it to stick.

Author Bio:

Leslie Karns is an unpublished writer and poet who lives in rural Iowa with her husband and three children.  She has a passion for the arts and her kids think she makes pretty good cookies.

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Leslie! This story is AMAZING! I laughed a little when  you said that you two stared at each other and didn’t talk until the end.  That is something, I would totally do too! THEN when you said no, we are not related, I laughed out loud! I was at work reading it and I had to tell workers about it! This kind of #lovestory is beautiful.
I would love to have your cookie recipe since you kids tell you, you make good cookies! 🙂

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Love Story- Guest Blog

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I was a freshman in high school when I first saw him. He had shaggy long brown hair and was wearing his signature band t-shirt and skinny jeans. I had long blonde curly hair with braces and headgear but he didn’t seem to mind how awkward or weird I was. I was known for saying ridiculous funny things and he would give me a look of amusement with wow shes ridiculous. We immediately became friends and this boy would give me this look for the next 5 years.

We shared a love of nerdy things. Video games, Supernatural, and Metal music. Eventually, this boy cut his shaggy long hair, traded in band t-shirts, and skinny jeans for work boots and his trades outfit. While I finally got rid of the blonde hair that didn’t match my eyebrows, the braces, and headgear. Our friendship grew over the years and finally, we graduated and the boy decided he wanted to take me on a date.

We went to biggby together and talked about our usual likes and dislikes. We sat outside and drank our coffees I told him how much I loved the fall and going on walks. He listened and told me he would like to take me for a walk. Our conversation became 3 hours of walking, laughing, and sharing. I didn’t want to leave our date and neither did he. For the first time we both noticed each other in a different way I looked at him in the corner of my eye in a different way and he did the same.

From that day we never left each other’s side we spent every day together. We had dates and sometimes we just wanted to be around each other. My best friend without really saying anything became my boyfriend as well. We both told each other that we knew we never wanted to spend a day apart.

I loved his flaws and he loved mine. On my birthday he took me to a fancy dinner and told me he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me and knew that he had wanted to the day he took me on our first date. He explained that he had the most amazing best friend for years and didn’t realize that everything he wanted in a life partner was also in front of him.

The boy I met 5 years ago became the man that I love waking up to every morning.

About Author:

Bailey is the Writer of the Resourceful Dreamer Blog. She is now a stay at home mom to a son. She enjoys writing about the things she is passionate about Being a mom, wife, and love of lifestyle topics.

Social links:

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Bailey, this is a beautiful love story! I think it is great that you both were friends and then lovers. The 3 hours conversations are the best part about getting to know your partner in crime! I hope you and your family live a long and healthy life together!

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Love Story-Guest Blog

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Can I Ever Fall in Love- With Myself

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We all scream #self-love, but can we truly say we love the manor woman staring back as us in the mirror. Can we sincerely say we have stopped the self loathing, self comparison and self derogatory thoughts??

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Now why we try to get over the swooning caused by how fine the guy in the picture above is, I have discovered that we might want to put up a front of self love even tagging it as our caption on IG ,Facebook and twitter but the fact is it doesn’t come easy to live up to what you profess.

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I for one have carved an image of not caring what people think of or about me ,an image of been myself whether anyone likes it or not. An image of not been affected by the actions of others, an image of not needing others. Does this sound familiar to you? Yea am sure it does!! But the fact remains that no matter how closed off we seem to be about other people’s actions the fact is that it affects us, it hurts us at times. We try to keep up the self love euphoria but it is waning out, the fire is quenching. We’re losing ourselves, we are hurting ourselves and we are killing ourselves so slowly yet without noticing it.

Self love is all about loving yourself and been true to yourself, it’s all about doing things that brings you joy irrespective of other’s opinions. It’s seeing yourself as the ultimate good, I feel we’re beginning to mask this concept as an avenue to not put an effort into developing one self, we use it as an excuse to live our worst lives yet, we use it as an excuse to ruin friendships and relationships. Now I am guilty of this as well, I am of the belief that loving ourselves shows in our ability to take decisions that develops and pushes us to be the best we can be both physically and in character whilst also developing our relationships and friendships. We can all not be perfect, it’s OK to be hurt ,angry, annoyed and scared but it’s also OK to pick yourself up and work on yourself and see that challenge as a stepping stone to greatness. It’s OK to not push yourself to hard,it’s OK to be tired of everything but it’s also OK to refuse to allow the world and things in it weigh you down but rather you can choose to walk with your head held up high because the world has no choice that to work in your favour.

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Self love means been you , but when you know there are areas or parts of you in need of change don’t shy away from creating a change that will improve your physical, mental and spiritual well being. You might need to cut off that person, you might need to start that gym class, you might need to drop that habit, you might need to put more effort . Just do it, be the perfect person you have always wanted to be , be the mentor you’ve always wanted to have. Be the model you have always admired, be the book worm and professor you have always loved. There’s a difference between self loathing and self improvement. Improve and work on things in your life that you feel needs to be worked on but don’t go hating on yourself for things you cannot change. Love the things about you that can’t be changed,embrace it and work with it the best way possible.

Be who and what you love❤

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About the author; Abbey is a mental health blogger with a love for writing and turning words into emotions. She brings and talks about issues relating to both life and relationships in general. You can connect to her @lifeandrelationshipsissues.wordpress.com and on twitter at  https://mobile.twitter.com/abbeyabbey110    

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Abbey! Yes, girl, YES!! Self love is so important. I want everyone to do something for you today, if not today, then soon! That might be take a bath, take a walk, talk to someone you haven’t in a while and be friends again, go get your nails/hair or anything you want done! I plan on getting a massage soon, because well, #selflove.

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Love Story-Guest Blog

Wuv. True wuv. (Bonus points for knowing that reference) 
It’s February again, and love is in the air. There are several different types of love. Agape love, philia, brotherly love, pragma, long-standing love, even philautia, love of self. 
What is your favourite kind of love? 
I always thought I knew love. I love my parents, my siblings, I love God, and I definitely love my husband. I them them all so much, and I remember saying to my husband, I love you like I’ll never love anyone else. 
That statement is true. It is a different kind of love and I thought it was impossible to love someone more. 
Until one night, November 22nd, I realized I was dead wrong. 
So many people grow up dreaming of having children. I was no exception. When my time came, I read to my belly, rubbed it, sang to it, talked to it. I remember thinking how much I was going to love my baby girl. Again I thought I knew what love was.
Then she was born. I looked deep into those eyes and I was instantly hooked. I felt like I could watch her forever. No matter how much she was covered in  goop! 
It’s been two whole months now, and I still tear up every time she smiles, and when she cries I want to cry. I want to watch her forever and never miss a second. She’s just the perfect little being. 
As much as I thought I knew was love was,  I never knew what a maternal love was. My mother always said “it’s a different kind of love,” but I never paid heed. Until my little girl was born and I realized I will never ever feel such a love for someone else that aren’t my kids. It’s a whole different kind of love, and no matter how much I love my husband, we both agree, it’s the beet kind of love. 

About the Author:

Breanna Park is a 24 year old first time mom of a little girl. She is a job coach for adults with autism, an ESL teacher, and is a blogger.
Mommiestobe.wordpress.com
Instagram.com/mommiestobe19
Pinterest.com/eslabroad

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Breanna you and your mom are so right, a mothers love is a different kind of love. I have a thirteen year old and while some days it is hard with him, I still love him no matter what. You are going to love watching her grow into a young woman. Each year is different and you will show and love her more and more each year.

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Twitter: https://twitter.com/jrenfro99

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Love Story- Guest Blog

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My love story isn’t one that’s been filled with hearts and flowers the
past 18 months. There have been a lot of highs but just as many moments
of despair, doubt, and fear. He’s been there with me every step of the
way. I haven’t always appreciated it but I’m learning.

I met Matt in college and it was instant attraction. He worked at Walmart
and I shopped there-a lot. Small town and cute boy, what can I say? We got
married in 2008 and immediately set off on adventures together. I like to
think we’ve always been a little unconventional (we live in an RV now!)
even when we’re trying to do the responsible adult thing. We’ve had
hiccups in our marriage but nothing like what we were going to face in
2017.

18 months ago we welcomed the most perfect baby boy into the world.
Weighing 7’3” and 20 inches long, he was a complete angel. And we were in
love from the beginning. I’d say I had the normal “baby blues” after
birth, I cried a lot, felt a few new fears with the baby in the house, but
nothing too awful. When our little guy was almost 2 months, things began
to change. I couldn’t shake these new fears I was having and I began
forming new ones. I became irrationally afraid of things like shoes being
worn in the house. The thought of someone walking in with shoes gave me a
near (or actual) panic attack. I didn’t really want visitors coming over
because I was afraid they’d give something to the baby. I was terrified
for Matt to go to work because he might bring something home. Other things
began popping up and it seemed like there was no relief while I was home
day in and day out with the baby. All I had was time to think. I hoped
this was a temporary thing and I would improve once I went back to work. I
didn’t. I got worse.

I went to a therapist and was diagnosed with postpartum anxiety and
depression. At first, Matt, though he didn’t understand, tried to just be
there and ride through it with me. As the months went on, it got harder
and harder for him to understand. My fears were completely irrational—why
can’t I just not think about them? I should just trust him because he
knows what he’s talking about and I’m not thinking straight. Sometimes
there would be ultimatums. My fears about something had to stop if he did
something to “fix” the problem. Unfortunately, anxiety doesn’t work that
way. When you’ve never experienced it, it’s very hard to put yourself in
the other person’s shoes. I just wanted Matt to try but I know now that’s
not an easy thing to do. I didn’t even understand it myself 99.9% of the
time. I didn’t know how to explain what I was feeling or thinking and
instead lashed out and blamed him. He would do the same in return. It made
for some very lonely times for me in what was supposed to be the happiest
time of my life. I’m starting to realize that it was lonely for him as
well though. Suddenly I wasn’t the same person I’d always been. I wasn’t
the wife he’d always known. His best friend that was up for facing any
challenge life threw at me. I was struggling with that feeling of losing
myself. He was dealing with that loss too.

I’d like to say that all this is behind us. I’ve come a very long way but
I still have days where I struggle. Sometimes we fall into the same
patterns of blaming each other and not listening to the other person’s
feelings. I think we’re getting there though. The one thing I wake up and
marvel at every day is that we’re still here. Doing this life thing
together. It’s thrown us a crazy turn or two but neither one of us is
going anywhere. I’m now sure that my husband is the kind that “sticks.”
And I am too. For that, I’m so grateful and blessed.

Dedicated to my forever Valentine, Matt.

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Beth’s story is heartfelt! I am so happy that you got the help that you needed after your son was born. You are right, it is hard to explain anxiety and depression unless you have lived it. Both you and Matt are so strong for sticking together and living life everyday together. I hope you and your family grow and learn together. I have always thought about living in an RV!

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