Love at First Sight
Photo by: Walnut Street Photography
Love at First Sight
by Alainee Simonson
How it Began!
I’m sure we all remember that moment we first met our significant other. Maybe it was a pleasant experience… or maybe it was slightly embarrassing. You know… too many homemade strawberry daiquiris a friends house playing Cards Against Humanity? Don’t worry, this love story is doesn’t start that way. 😉 Actually, I was just a kid working at a paintball field. When I wasn’t reffing, I worked the register, and Matt frequently came to my counter. Often, I would find myself blushing, and hoping he would come up to talk to me, or get in my line. Young, clueless, but so fascinated by this man (though at the time, he was just a young 19 year old kid).
On a quick break, I would catch myself trying to find him and talk to him. In the morning I would always looks for his car in the parking lot, hoping he was there. Truly, I was infatuated with him. We began conversing more regularly, but mainly at the field. Thus beginning of our friendship, eventually relationship, had began.
Now I’m sure you’re thinking we just fall madly in love, get married, and have lots of babies? Yes! But not right away. I was actually seeing someone else at the time, and had no earthly clue what a good relationship looked like. I even remember my mother coming to see me at work one day. Matt was sitting under a pop up canopy, cooling off from playing, and wearing all his gear. I looked right at her, and said, “I would leave *insert name of current boyfriend here* if I could get with Matt. Yes, I know that thinking is so wrong, and that’s a conversation for another post. To sum it up, I never saw a good relationship growing up, didn’t know what it looked like, and had a terrible fear of being alone forever.
Years had past, and I was starting my career at a legal firm. It was time to put the paintball field in the past. It was an awesome first job, and I loved being able to use the money I earned on the weekend for fun money, but it was time for that chapter to close. Unfortunately, the paintball field was the only place I was seeing Matt. There was a paintball event going on, and I was helping run it and keep score. I spent the day away from where Matt was, and felt nauseous that I wouldn’t get to see him all day… I spent the day distracted, and wondering how I was going to get the courage to speak with him or give him my number (since he had never asked me). The event FINALLY ended. Back down at the main check in, I was gathering my things to head home for the day, but I had to do one more thing. I didn’t know if I would see Matt again if I wasn’t going to be at the field. So… I tore off a piece of receipt paper, jotted down my number, ran to where he was, nonchalauntly handed it to him, and told him to text me sometime.
Unfortunately, it was in front of a group of other players, not how I wanted this exchange to happen, but I did not know if I would get another chance. My heart was racing, I was getting in my car, and spent hours, then days, then weeks, with no message from him, and was crushed. Life went on, and even though I felt sick about it, I went on.
Time passes, and I haven’t seen Matt in sometime. I decided to stop by the paintball store, and get some new gear, for myself, and my ex (same one we will discuss throughout this post). Well, would you guess who I ran into? Matt. What was supposed to be a quick in and out ordeal had just turned into hours of talking and catching up, but me acting like I was too cool, and ignoring the fact that I gave him my number for him not to message me. I drug out the conversation for as long as possible. Because once again, I knew once we both left, who knew when I would see him again. Though all that time had passed, he still had the same chilling effect on me. It made it seem as though time stood still. I felt comfortable, and anxious at the same time. I didn’t know what to think.
At this point, I was living in an apartment with my ex. We were continuing to grow increasingly miserable. Our relationship started out in secret, and was purely about lust. Honestly, I don’t think we ever really liked each other that much (which we both admit now) we just were taking the steps on what we thought we were supposed to do. I left the paintball store with thousands of dollars of equipment… and a tugging in my heart that I may not see him again. I sank down and sulked as I drove the 40 minutes home.
Said ex and I ran into Matt and his now ex (then current) girlfriend at a mutual friend’s party some months after that. I was so insanely jealous. I actually tried to take his girlfriend home (a defense mechanism I used to use) in attempt to get closer to Matt. It was wrong, and I knew it. I was crushed. I just knew we were supposed to be together. But actually seeing him with someone else hurt, which was SO hypocritical…. Since I had a bad case of not knowing how to break up with someone or hurt their feelings. Y’all… Do NOT be like me. If you are unhappy, address it, and if it isn’t corrected, LEAVE. I even got married to this ex of mine, and when birth control let me down, we had a child. Before we got married, I even said this was a BAD idea, but was guilted into because “what would I tell everyone since I said we were getting married already.” But I will tell you, it would be much better to live with disappointing others, than lying to yourself.
Meanwhile, I knew I wasn’t in love, and I was being treated so poorly. What made me, me, made my then ex husband resentful. I enjoy getting my nails done? Materialistic. Buy a new shirt for work? Shopping problem. Church? Why waste your time with a mythical being? Buy organic? What a scam and waste of money. Everything I enjoyed about myself, and what would bring me joy, made his mad, or bager me, unless it also made him happy. I began to lose who I was, gained lots of weight, became self conscious, and had no life outside of work and home. But I stayed, because I didn’t know any better, and even though I mentioned divorce to him, without a strong family support, didn’t know what to do.
I found out I was pregnant with my son in September 2013. I had mentioned divorce to my ex in the spring, but through another round of his tears, couldn’t bring myself to leave. I had just gone on a vacation to see some family in South Texas, and he stayed behind. This trip was so freeing for me. I was getting ready to finish my Bachelor’s Degree, working on LSAT prep, and was really enjoying my job at the law firm. All of a sudden, my fall semester starts and I feel off. Always sick, just not my usual self. I took a pregnancy test and saw two pink lines. Positive. Oh no. Now I am stuck with. In all actuality, my thinking and self worth was so poor, my first thought was, “Well, if he doesn’t love me, at least my baby will.” Shortly after getting confirmation from the doctor that I was pregnant, Matt came back into my life.
Somehow we connected on social media, and through social media, we began texting. If anything will tell you how flawed my first marriage was, I was completely open about my communication with Matt, and when I asked Matt if he wanted to grab dinner, he said he did not want to step on my ex’s toes, since they had been friends too. MY ex text Matt, and told him to take me out. This. This is when things started taking off. Ladies, let me tell you if you don’t know already. Motherhood changes you. I KNEW I did not want my child to grow up, and see their mother being treated poorly. It was one thing when it was just me, but with a baby, not happening.
Matt began coming over frequently. Mainly to hang out with my ex. I tried to keep my distance, but electricity ran through my body every time he was near. I began to live for Fridays when he would come over. The crazy thing is, he would actually talk to me. Instead of having someone come home, to go straight to their computer, and shove me off. Matt actually gave me the time of day. Before I knew it, my son was in my arms, and I was absolutely in love. I don’t think I ever knew what real love was until I got to hold my child in my arms. To go through life, unaware of what a true, unconditional, love was, is a devastating thought.
When I brought my son home, it was like I was a single mother. Matt was giving us respectful space, but my ex wasn’t interested in helping at all. Never really wanting to hold the baby, talk to the baby, or do things with us, just focusing on himself. Best time of my life was getting to hold my baby in my arms, but unfortunately during this time, I was most miserable in my marriage. Tad wasn’t even four months old, and I left. Before I had done so, I had a phone call with my mother. Crying into the phone that I was in love with Matt, and could not do it. I was miserable. And had been treated poorly for too long. Matt was the one giving Tad attention when he was over, not his father.
By the time I had got the courage to leave my ex. I had started to fall in love with myself. Through my friendship with Matt, I began to see my worth. I began working out when I was able to after Tad. Started eating better. I actually started weight watchers, before beginning with Beachbody and starting my passion as a health and fitness coach. My energy was up, and I started to realize what was the appropriate way to speak to someone. When I had finally asked for the divorce, over the years of a bad relationship I was just done. There was no more energy, and this should’ve happened a long time ago. There were some tears involved, and to this day, we are friends. But looking back, we realize we never should have been together. We didn’t agree on anything, did not have any similar core values, and just made one another miserable. My advice to anyone in an unhappy marriage, or relationship. Evaluate. Is this caused by both parties? What can you do? Why did you marry this person? Do you have the same core values? Can therapy help? Are you in the position for a relationship. If you are unhappy before marriage, a wedding won’t fix things.
Through my friendship with Matt, I fell absolutely in love with him. You remember me saying, I didn’t have a life beside my work, and my miserable marriage. Well, after Tad, I left the law firm, was looking for a new job, and trying to get emotional support from my mother. At this point, Matt was very well aware about how I felt for him. He had been a rock, a support system, my best friend. My ex had essentially handed me over to him, and watched me fall. Matt, Tad, and I began spending a lot more time together. Zoo trips, weddings, holidays. Matt was amazing with Tad, and always made me feel like a princess. He listened to me, never made me feel insecure, and would help me feel stronger when I was down.
Matt continuously made me feel beautiful when I was working hard to lose weight. He never made me feel like Tad wasn’t welcomed, and soon, we were welcomed to meet his parents as well; who seemingly both fell in love with Tad, and I. I had not only fallen in love with Matt, but his loving family as well. I longed for a family connection like this, and being around his parents and him made me see what type of environment I wanted my kids to grow up in.
Matt and I had been through a lot in our relationship. Learning to communicate, getting through all of my insecurities and baggage. Allowing myself to become so insecure and push Matt away. Matt was the first functional relationship I ever really had. The first relationship where I allowed myself to have worth. This was an entirely new thing for me to feel loved, and accepted, quirks and all. We would go out on dates, I would get surprise flowers and coffee at work when I was having bad day. Maybe I am crazy, but I NEVER had this before. I didn’t know what to do about it. Honestly, I pushed Matt away terribly on more than one occasion, and it is a miracle he still loves me, and wanted to be with me. But, that is what speaks volumes of his love and commitment to me. Through everything we have been through together, Matt never gave up on me, or gave up on loving me. Honestly, it’s humbling the amount of love Matt shows me daily, and everything we have been through.
Through ups, and downs, breaks, and full on relationships, we never stopped loving each other. I knew I could not live without Matt in my life. I didn’t want anyone else but Matt, and knew threw any hard time, he would be there for me. Period. We moved in together, set up a cute little to bedroom apartment. This was another trying year. Being with someone all the time. Seeing their bad habits, their good ones. Quirks when no one is watching. Who pays what bills, etc.. we fought, made up. But that’s okay. I’ve let go of unrealistic expectations that couples never fight, and have clearer ideas of what an actual fight is, versus a discuss in which we do not agree. I have grown so much over the years with Matt. Into a better woman, wife, mother. I have learned to embrace myself, grow confidence, and learned how to actually be in a relationship. Through laughs, and tears. Late nights, and Matt holding my hair back, and an infant as I puke into a trashcan, this man is my rock, my love, and has helped me love myself.
Then Comes Marriage!
Matt and I had only briefly discussed marriage, but then came baby #2. We found out we were pregnant, and we were expecting our first child together. I was very excited to be a momma again, and Tad was excited to have a little brother or sister. Matt had always told me he would give me a daughter, so imagine my surprise when we found out we were having a little girl, and decided to name her after his mother, Catherine.
During this pregnancy, Matt surprised me one day. I was a hormonal mess one day, and he decided to take me to a nearby arcade to have fun and lift my spirits. Well, to my surprise, we ended up at a jewelry store, and next thing I know I was picking out an engagement ring. That April, we married in the beautiful mountains in Colorado. I planned the entire wedding in a week! Which I won’t recommend, it is quite stressful, but I got it done. Flights booked, hotel, and venue. Forever grateful to Simply Eloped who helped accommodate and help me arrange things on such short notice. Iver, our officiant, Noah, our photographer, and of course our family. Our time in Colorado was absolutely magical.
Matt, Tad, my soon to be in-laws, and traveled to Colorado. My little family by plane, and my in laws by car to pick us up at the airport. We spent almost a week there. Tad’s first time being old enough to experience snow, all the beautiful sights and scenery. We enjoyed all the family outings and lunches, drove around the mountains. It was nice to just get away and enjoy the time together, away from stresses, and home.
Photo by: Alainee Simonson
I had a simple dress, simple shoes that were honestly way too cold for the weather. I had ordered a Star Wars cake topper in lieu of the quirks of our relationship, and star wars obsession. We married on April 16th, and I couldn’t of asked for a more perfect ceremony. Very small, short, sweet. In the mountains. Matt and I blending our family into one whole unit. A day I’ll never forget, and hopefully neither will Tad.
Photo Credit: Walnut Street Photography
After our wedding, Matt would come home each day, and I would want to yell at him, “I AM SO HAPPY YOU ARE MY HUSBAND!” The high of being married to my best friend still hasn’t worn off. Now, there are days he drives me absolutely crazy, but I wouldn’t want anyone else to do so. I couldn’t imagine a life not being married to Matt. Married, with an energetic four year old, then three year old, and waiting on the newest addition of our bundle of joy. I was in heaven, and the only thing we needed to complete our family was our little bundle of joy.
Then Comes Baby #2 In a Baby Carriage!
Then came July. I was incredibly miserable throughout the last half of my pregnancy, but Matt was supportive until the end. When my blood pressure got to high, and they had to induce, Matt was there to calm me, and support me. Tad stayed with his grandmother, and little did he know the next time he saw his momma he would be a big brother. He was such a proud bubba.
Happily Ever After
Our daughter is now 7 months old, and Tad is about to be 5 years old. Each day, Matt and I grow stronger in our marriage, in our relationship, and in our parenting. He supports me, daily, and reminds me to not only love him and our children, but to fall in love with myself daily. He supports my business, where I have found my passion helping women fall in love with themselves, and most importantly, he loves me, flaws and all. To think, two kids who met at a paintball field all those years ago, who had to experience their own struggles in life, only to come together with love, support, and start our own beautiful family. Matt has supported me through many phases of life, starting a business, and in raising our children. By no means are we perfect, but we learn and grow each day, and we are perfect for each other. Don’t settle. Not in your life, your job, your relationship, or on yourself. Big things are out there, you just have to believe it and go for it.
My name is Alainee Simonson. I am a wife to an incredible man, mama of two. I am a wellness coach and consultant, and I am passionate about others find happiness through a healthy lifestyle. I truly believe that being “fit” mentally and physically is at the very core of a happy and fulfilled life. I love trying to coffee, reading, and all things sweet! I am a retired couch potato turned fitness fanatic after the birth of my first child. I knew that my littles deserved a momma who could run, jump, and keep up with them throughout their childhood, and finding ways to keep an active, healthy family, and helping others do the same has become a passion of mine. After going through my own dramatic weight loss journey, I decided I wanted to help others find that same joy and confidence, and became a fitness coach.
On my website, www.arc-fit.com, you can find helpful tools to support you on your own wellness journey as you work hard to achieve the fitness goals you have for yourself. But mostly, I hope you will enjoy following my life as a wife, mama, and now #mompreneur living out her dream of empowering women to chase their dreams!
I’m nobody special; I’m just a girl who decided to chase her dreams of staying home with her littles and found her passion for helping empower women in the process.
Thanks for being here!
It just goes to show you never know where you are going to meet the love of you life! My husband and I also had a Star Wars cake topper!
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