Why my Son Is my Valentine
Chances are, you probably have a significant other that you are thinking about for Valentine’s Day. When I was discussing with Jessica some ideas, she told me she was going to do 28 days of posts about Valentines, and so my post had to have that as a theme. I didn’t want to write about what I was going to do with my husband for Valentines this year, well, because we aren’t really doing anything. Not that we wouldn’t like to, if we didn’t have a million things going on including several activities for my Son. But that’s ok, because he is my Valentine. Here’s why.
The family blood line is short
The first thing you should know about me is that I’m adopted. In terms of blood relatives, it’s just my twin sister and I. Our mother died in childbirth, and no one knows who our father was. This has obviously shaped my view of the world, and strengthened certain feelings I have. I thought you should know that before I tell you the rest.
Having kids isn’t easy
My husband and I were in our late twenties when we got married, and were married for several years before we had our son. But the reason we waited to have kids wasn’t from a lack of trying. Well, we weren’t actually trying to get pregnant, we just hadn’t thought about why I never did.
But after being married for several years, we started to realize we were ready to start a family. Things were going well in our careers, a lot of our friends were having kids, and we were just starting to settle down. We discussed this, and it seemed to both of us like the right time for us to have a child of our own.
But that’s when it hit us. For all of the times we had been up to bat, we should have had a hit by then. We were both healthy, kept in shape, and ate pretty well. Neither of us smoked, and we only drank casually. Something wasn’t right.
But since we had made our decision to go down the path of parenthood, we knew it was time to get some expert assistance.
We visited with a specialist, and did all of the tests. But there was no clear explanation for why the magic hadn’t happened. It became clear that we’d have to leverage some science if we wanted to have our own child.
If you know anything about the field of conception assistance, one of the things you can do to improve your odds is through the use of hormones.
It’s been many years now, so my mind is a little rusty on how this worked. But if I recall correctly, there was a calendar that we followed, that I assume was aligned to my cycle. And on specific days, my husband would give me a shot, right in my rear.
And it was painful. I mean to watch my husband fumble around with the needle, trying to figure out the best angle to go in. It wasn’t fun for either of us.
Whatever it was, I think it was supposed to enhance the likelihood that the puck would drop and enter the field of play, so to speak.
And we did this for several cycles. Over a period of months. But nothing came of it.
Lab Coats and Test Tubes
As I shared earlier, I was adopted. Remember those strong feelings I mentioned? Well, it was important for me to birth my own child. It was worth it to me to pull out all the stops. Luckily, I have a husband who was supportive of this.
If you’ve ever looked at, or gone through the in-vitro process, you know this is where things really get expensive. Like almost $10,000 expensive. And this is also where the stakes go up pretty high.
What I mean is, they’re taking multiple eggs that they’ve harvested from me, and some, well, buddies for the eggs, that they’ve collected from my husband.
I think my husband’s donation process might have been significantly more enjoyable than mine.
Then a decision is made on how big of a party to throw. Use too few eggs, and your odds of success go way down. Too many eggs, and your odds of becoming Octomom go way up. Remember- I said I’m a twin. Yeah, that can increase those odds too.
We went with our doctor’s recommendation, which was towards the lower end of the count, but still high enough where the risk of ending up with twins or triplets was there.
And it was pretty much an all or nothing shot. If it didn’t take, we’d be going through this whole process again from the beginning.
It takes awhile before you find out if it was a success or not. During that time, I think, based on everything we had been though at that point, we were prepared for disappointment. I’m sure my husband was already trying to figure out how to save the money to do it all over again if we had to.
Another doctor’s visit, and then we got the news. The first signs of a child had started to form. We were pregnant!
It was early, and a lot could still go wrong. But, for the first time, we had hope that we might actually become parents.
Pregnancy, birth, incredibly expensive childcare, pre-school, grade school
From this point forward, we were like most parents. The trials and tribulations of pregnancy. A birth that resulted in a c-section. The shock of how expensive childcare and diapers are. The incredible cheesiness of preschool graduation, that all us parents just eat up. And so on.
Our son in almost 10-years-old now, and over halfway done with 4th grade. He’s come a long way since his time in that petri dish. It sounds funny to say that, but that’s where we started.
So why is he my Valentine?
Like most kids his age, he’s a sweetheart. He’s well-rounded, active, and has lots of friends. He’s not that different than the other Mom’s kids, but he’s my son. He’s my blood.
My husband and I didn’t just decide to start having kids, we fought a tough battle to get there. And it was important to me to be able to birth my own child.
And when he was born, we just felt so blessed to have such a healthy, beautiful, little baby. It brings me incredible joy to think about everything we went through to have him, and about the incredible pre-teen he’s grown into. And when he gives me his big hugs, my heart just melts, and all of that emotion stirs within me.
And because of this, how could he not be my Valentine?
Candace is a working Mom. She’s learned a lot about what works and doesn’t work. Sometimes the hard way. Both she and her husband work full time, while raising a relatively normal, if not rambunctious young boy. It’s tough being a working Mom, but she gets it done
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*************************************************************************************Candace you are one lucky woman! It brings me so much joy that you go to give birth to your son, your own blood! Something that stood out to me in your story was how you got the puck into the playing field. I smiled super big at that point because I enjoy hockey! I hope you and your valentine had a great day!