In the name of love…
Laying on that examination table trying to mentally prepare for a procedure I never wanted was heart wrenching. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t even mutter the words, “I’m ready,” when the nurse asked if I was ready to begin. Truth is, I wasn’t ready for them to stick a 3-inch needle (which seems humongous in the moment) into my protruding baby bump.
At that moment, when I felt the invasive pressure hit my pregnant belly, knowing the risk associated—miscarriage—that’s when I felt an immeasurable amount of love for my unborn daughter.
Those next 48 hours after the amniocentesis were excruciating. I prayed for that kick in my ribs harder than anything else in my life. When I finally felt it, a huge sigh of relief spread all over my body. My baby was still kicking; still fighting to see my face on her glorious birthday.
That pregnancy, my first and only pregnancy, tested my inner strength in ways unimaginable. I experienced the lowest of lows but the only thing that kept me going was the moment where I would be blessed with her sweet presence, holding her close to my heart.
Unfortunately, my pregnancy was consumed with fear. It all began with an abnormal prenatal screening test result that alerted my doctor for the heightened potential for my child bearing the name down syndrome. When I got that call my heart sank to the pit of my stomach. I couldn’t help but to worry. Anxiously awaiting my genetic counseling session, a couple weeks out, nerve racked the whole time.
My genetic counselor mapped out my family tree and then went over my options. I was scared with the unwelcome reality that I rather know than to proceed through the rest of my pregnancy on edge. This moment tested my faith to the utmost degree. I knew deep in my heart that my child was going to be okay but with the doctors in my ear, I decided to do the amniocentesis so that I could know for sure.
When those flawless results finally came back a few days later, a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders. But the pressure from my doctors didn’t stop there. They then became worried about her weight, saying she was smaller than expected, thinking I wasn’t eating correctly. So after all of this I was deemed a high-risk pregnancy and when my third trimester rolled around I had doctor appointments twice a week. One to measure her heartbeat and the other for an ultrasound to monitor her growth. This is around the time my faith kicked in, and I just knew after all we had been through, everything was going to work out. I knew my baby would be everything I had imagined plus some.
When she finally arrived, my heart exploded with unlimited love, to a magnitude I had never experienced. From that day on I knew my purpose in life, was to be the best mother I could be for her. To be the best person I could be for her. To be the best woman I could be for her.
She was mine and I was hers in all the best ways. Nothing expected in return but to love and protect and that’s what I have vowed to do from that day forward.
Needless to say, my daughter is perfect in every way. She came out effortlessly and has been the best thing to happen to me ever since. I couldn’t imagine life without her. I couldn’t imagine living in this world without truly knowing, understanding, and experiencing the unconditional love I have for her. Unconditional love is one of life’s most beautiful gifts.
About the Author
My name is Briee Denise and I am the creative mind behind the blog Straight Gurl Talk. I am a novice blogger, military spouse, mother, and grad student. Writing has always been one of my favorite pastimes and I hold women empowerment close to my heart. With that said, my blog is based on my personal growing pains and life experiences hoping to change the way women think about themselves and reminding them of their inner fire that can never be extinguished.
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Briee you took me through a roller coaster reading your story! I am so happy that your baby girl is happy and healthy! Pregnancy is hard, but it is always worth all the love at the end.