“Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.” “There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness.” “The greatest happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved; loved for ourselves, or rather, loved in spite of ourselves.” ~Friedrich Nietzsche
I am a lover of fairy tales, and happily ever afters, but I honestly didn’t believe that a love like that was real. Not until I met John. He came into my life like a whirlwind, and left almost as quickly, but with him, I experienced the greatest love of my lifetime, one that I will never forget.
John and I were friends for about three years, not best friends, but we ran in the same circle and liked to flirt with each other. Harmless, but fun. Well, one day, we were at an event and he asked me if we could go out to dinner just the two of us. Of course I said sure. I had an inkling that he liked me, but I didn’t really know. So, we planned a hibachi dinner for the next week.
We had hung out so many times before, but not alone, I had butterflies in my stomach for some reason. What if we didn’t have anything to talk about? What if we just sat there silently? Of course that was all silly. We met at the restaurant and had a great time. We talked so long that we closed the place down. The first of many times we would do that.
He sweetly walked me to my car and I give him a big hug. We both expressed that we had a great time. I turn to get into the car and John said, “Wait.”. I turned back around and he gave me a card, it was two days before Valentines Day. It was sweet. I hug him again, and turn to get into the car. Again, “Wait.”. He looked so nervous, I had a feeling something big was coming. He said, “If I don’t say this now, I never will, would it be ok if I asked you out on a date sometime?”.
I paused, I am pretty sure my mouth fell open. Even though I had an idea it might have been coming, I wasn’t ready for it. He was John, my friend. Could I date him? I left awkwardly without really giving him much of an answer. Driving home I felt terrible. The next day we talked via text and I apologized for being ridiculous and accepted his offer for a date. It ended up being the best thing I have ever done.
The week slowly passed until our Monday date. We had a nervous dinner, wonderful, but nervous. It was like neither one of us had any idea of what we were supposed to be doing. Slowly conversation got easier. After dinner we went to Barnes & Noble. Got a coffee, and walked around sharing our favorite books with each other. We were there until they closed. Not wanting to go home and but not being able to stay there, we decided to just hang out in the car and talk. We talked, until he asked if he could kiss me. Then we made out in his car for three hours like teenagers. Probably the best date I have ever had.
The connection I felt with John was unlike anything I had felt before, and even though he is gone, I can still faintly feel it there. When I was with him, it was like time stood still. Hours felt like minutes and it was like there was only the two of us in the world.
Being that we were both busy adults and we lived over an hour away, Monday became our date night. I could talk to him on a level that I had never been able to before. Every feeling seemed amplified. Our connection only grew, even more so with the space between our visits.
We dated for about a month when we finally were able to pull off a day date. He loved the beach, so I booked a room for the day. We were not planning on spending the night, but it was March and very, very cold outside so I would be nice to have a home base.
We sat in the living room and talked. We laughingly took the Rice Purity Test together. It is a list of questions from all topics to see how pure you are. It was made at some college in the 80s. We cuddled together on the couch and watched movies on the laptop. Eventually, we started kissing and things progressed as they do. That was the first time we made love.
I had never felt anything like it before. The connection we had was so strong, being together in that way was life changing. I have never felt so wanted, and so protected in my entire life. Being in his arms truly became my favorite place to be. That was the day that I realized I was falling in love with John.
John was unlike anyone I had ever met. It was quite a bit older than me, a true gentleman. He even opened car doors for me. Who does that? He would hold my hand everywhere, he would play with my hair and make me feel loved. It was wonderful. Not only did he tell me that I was beautiful, be he actually believed it, and eventually I did too. John didn’t change me, but being with him, seeing what it was like to be loved and respected, made me change as a person.
Everything was great. I was his geek girl and he was my geek guy. Then end of March was my birthday. He took me to spend the day in Boston and we got a hotel for the night. He took me on a walk next to the Charles River and over a bridge to look at the water. It was March and it was windy and 30 degrees so it didn’t last too long, especially because I wore a dress. The wind! He took me on a tour of his office and it was one of the coolest places I had ever seen. Finally we went to the hotel to settle in for the night.
Everything about the day was perfect. I just knew that I loved him with every ounce of me. I have never felt a love so intense, raw, and passionate before. John was the love of my life. That night, he asked me to be his girlfriend, and I told him that I loved him. It is a night that I will never forget.
In June, we went on a day trip to Gloucester. There is a Castle there that I love and I go to at least once a year. I wanted to share this place with him. That morning he took me to breakfast, then to a walk around the river of his town. Then off to the Castle! It was so much fun showing him all of my favorite things, and taking pictures. I took pictures of the castle, he took pictures of me. He told me I was glowing. I was happy, so happy. I called it John and Harmony’s Day of Fun! Little did I know, the end was so near. If I had known I would have held on just a little bit tighter.
Time passed and we grew closer and more intense. I should have seen the writing on the wall, something that started with so much passion and feeling couldn’t last that long. We were both broken in many ways. There is a saying that, if two broken people get together, it will either be the amazing or destructive. Ours was a little of both.
Having our relationship in my life for even five short months, changed my life for the better. I am a better person, and I also only choose to surround myself with better people. I love him with all my heart and I always will, but we were not meant for a happily ever after; it was never going to be that way. It was, however, perfect. Perfect for us, and who we were at the time; I would never change a thing.
Author Bio: I am a bi-polar, bi-sexual, witch, with a love for Disney and a frustration for dating. I write about me and my life. Sometimes it is crazy, sometimes it is sad, but one this is for sure, it is always unique! Come visit my blog and check it out for yourself!
Harmony Lee, the tears! You and John had a special connection and it shows through your writing!
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